Breaking News! Jeter Implicated in Steroid ScandalBy: Sean Pidgeon
According to a shocking new report, Derek Jeter has been linked to performance enhancing drugs. This is the latest in a long line of negative press for the New York Yankees, following reports in recent years that have implicated Jason Giambi, Andy Pettitte, Roger Clemens, and Alex Rodriguez. Nick Swisher has yet to test positive, but most agree that his Twitter page could use some performance enhancement.
Pressed for an answer by Tyler Kepner of the New York Times, the Yankee Captain gave a formal reply of “no response.”
Rarely has a steroid revelation produced such shock. “I think we all expected A-Rod to be a heartless cheater,” says ESPN writer Gene Wojciechowski, in reference to the Yankee third baseman’s affair with Madonna. “And it’s sad he used PED’s, too.” But no one expected Derek Jeter to use performance enhancers. If any baseball player is worthy of canonization, it’s St. Derek. Jeter has been long known to succeed with poise, intangibles, and that preternatural baseball instinct that only comes with an almost mystical love of the game that only the greats have. Wojciechowski, true to his word, signed his baseball fan letter of resignation.
Irate Yankees fans, young and old, stood outside Legends Field this afternoon with signs of protest. “Say it ain’t so, Derek,” cried one sad little boy as Mr. Jeter ambled off the team bus outside the park.
Long held in esteem with Ken Griffey Jr. as a rare untainted superstar of the steroids era, Jeter’s reputation is bound to decline.
First, Jeter must stop hiding behind the curtain of “no comment” and speak the truth, preferably in a sit down interview with Peter Gammons. The public deserves an honest answer.
Otherwise, more fans will follow Wojciechowski out the door and baseball will join hockey in the land of Versus, the Siberia of television sports.
Of course, this might be a big misunderstanding. This is America, the land of the free and the home of the Atlanta Braves, Boston Red Sox, and New York Yankees. In this country, a person is presumed innocent until proven guilty.
Lately, it seems like one superstar after another is caught with his pants down (and a needle in his ass). Just in the past year, Manny Ramirez and David Ortiz, among others, have admitted to PED usage.
Someday, baseball will move beyond its tainted steroid past. But until that day, it’s important for all of baseball’s cheaters, Derek Jeter included, to come clean. Easter and Passover weekend is a perfect time to remind us that baseball can have no redemption without repentance of its steroid sins.