In the very first article on this site, Sabometrics wrote Why Jeff Francoeur Could (But Probably Won’t) Walk 60 Times. This site opened with hope that certain Mets players could play above and beyond their track records and maybe, just maybe, the Mets could contend. Yet, sadly, we know what is happening to this Mets season. And some of the blame can be placed at the feet of shitty players like Frenchy, who has only walked 29 times all season. Combined with his complete lack of hitting, his OBP is an ungodly awful .293 and his OPS+ a shit sandwich 78.

And, yet, Frenchy had enough of a bullshit reputation that I was afraid Jerry might play him over Angel Pagan after the All-Star break when Beltran returned, despite the fact that Pagan has probably been the Mets second best player all season. There’s just something about Frenchy that causes people to overlook his obvious suckitude. It happened again on Thursday, after the Mets finally washed their hands of Frenchy and shipped him to Texas, when Bleacher Report ran a shortened opinion piece titled New York Mets Send The Wrong Message by Trading Jeff Francoeur, which linked to the full version of the article at Mets Gazette, written by Mets Gazette correspondent Armando Diana. However, I think a better title for this piece of published diarrhea would be: The Dumbest Fucking Article I’ve Ever Read. But I digress. Let’s join Diana as he takes us on his Frenchy ass-kissing journey.*

*Excerpts from Diana’s turd nugget will be in bold. My thoughts will be italicized. And Diana’s thought process will be in regular font.

Jeff Francoeur certainly has his free-swinging ways.

I certainly know how to begin a bullshit defense of a shitty player by pointing out the most obvious facet of Francouer’s ineptitude, as if this will butter up my readers to buy my forthcoming craptastic argument.

Sure enough, he displays poor plate discipline. Couple that with his low on-base percentage and you have the reasons why he couldn’t stay in the lineup.

So you’re saying he sucks, then? Thank goodness the Mets shipped him to Texas. Wait, what?

Yet, he has talent

He’s good! I swear! You have to look past his shitty stats. He has a smile that could light up a room. Hell my grandma was ready to blow him when he winked at her.

And it seemed to me that he was making a concerted effort to change his approach.

He’s trying to change. I can tell. I can see into his heart. Those walks were about to start coming in bunches!

On one hand, a guy like Oliver Perez

Sucks too. But more importantly, I’m gonna slam him to try and make Frenchy look good.

(whom the Mets have tried to part ways with, but still have on the current roster) frustrates Dan Warthen and Jerry Manuel to no end with his refusal to do even the basics, such as repeat his pitching motion. In addition, Perez demonstrated what an awful team player he was in refusing a Minor League assignment.

What a sulker. What a crybaby. He’s no team guy like Francoeur. Did I tell you Frenchy’s got a smile that can light up Citi Field?

By contrast, in 2009, with the season in complete tatters and devoid of hope, Jeff Francoeur played out the season with torn ligaments in his thumb.

Or maybe it’s fucking stupid to play injured and delay your healing time when the team is already out of the pennant race. But what do I know?

Isn’t that the type of player us Met fans should want to root for?

He tries hard! He looks so dedicated swinging at balls eight feet outside of the strike zone. He’s gritty. He’s scrappy. He tries harder than Eckstein! And look at his clubhouse presence. He gives everyone backrubs and even threw in a happy ending for Johan that game he hit his first home run.

Is this the message the Wilpons want to send the fans as to the type of character they endorse? They’ll trade players who care in order to try and improve weaknesses, but will keep lazy players that rob them blind and spit in their eye?

Will these rhetorical questions mask the fact that I’ve written another “I’d rather my team sign white guys like Eckstein who look like they try hard than guys like Manny who may sometimes jog out a ground ball but are actually good at fucking baseball” column?

With work and dedication, a willing player can be taught to adjust their approach to hitting.

I believe Jeff Francoeur will magically become a useful big league ballplayer, despite a .309 OBP over more than 33oo plate appearances. Sometimes you can turn chicken shit into chicken salad!

It’s true that winning brings more fans and having a player that swings at just about anything is not a way to produce a winner.

But don’t you dare trade him away. His smile and grit are worth at least 100 walks.

But building a loyal and happy fan base begins with assembling a team of players that fans want to watch. It then continues with success.

The Mets moved a player they felt was not living up to his potential. Fair enough. But they also told the fan base that they are tolerant of laziness and selfishness.

Okay, I can’t parse any more of this bullshit. Yes, Mr. Diana, we Mets fans will be happy if we have  a team of players we want to watch. But we want to watch guys that are good at baseball. I don’t give three shits if they smile and take extra BP.

And the Mets did not move a player that wasn’t living up to this potential. The truth is he played up to his potential. Jeff Francoeur fucking sucks at baseball. Stop this stupid fucking Frenchy vs. Ollie morality tale. They both suck. I’m sure Ollie tries hard, too. Trying hard is more than just smiling. Why is Frenchy gone and Ollie still in New York? Because no one is stupid enough to take Ollie away from the Mets. But the Rangers were stupid enough to take Frenchy. That’s it. Now will you please go kiss Frenchy’s ass all the way to Arlington?