Saturday night, Joe and I had the privilege of announcing the Yankees vs. Mets Subway Series game from Citi Field on Fox Sports. It’s always exciting when me and Joe get to offer some unbiased Yankee/DJ♥ analysis and pious commentary, respectively.

When I saw the umpiring crew, I did not know what to expect, and that in itself is unexpected, since I’m famous for first guessing every play. The night before, my beloved Jeter’s intangibles were unable to sway the umpire to call a borderline pitch a ball. What’s the world coming to when Derek Jeter can’t get the same special treatment from umpires that he gets from the media?

And in Friday night’s game, Yankee pitcher Javier Vazquez had to be pulled whilst pitching a gem because his finger got hit by a pitch trying to bunt. Thankfully, Vazquez’s finger isn’t broken; it’s just bruised (but if DJ♥’s finger were bruised, I honestly think my heart would be broken). Vazquez is an AL pitcher who normally gets to avoid hitting because of the DH. However he is forced (at gunpoint) to hit when the Yankees play in NL parks. Pitchers are valuable commodities. Having them hit is a bad idea and unfair. It’s a travesty! It’s worse than public masturbation (just ask David Cone, who left the Mets and the National League behind so he could avoid the batter’s box…and bullpen watchers).

Now the Yankees did lose three in a row before winning game one of the Subway Series Friday night, but no team’s in a more precarious situation than the Mets. The Mets have been up and down. Jose Reyes is off to a slow start, and only now back in his rightful leadoff spot. That experiment batting Reyes third was wrong. I mean morally wrong; beating up a little kid-level wrong.

John Maine is hurt even though he doesn’t think so. But that’s to be expected. Pitching Coach Dan Warthen called Maine an habitual liar. I think he could have used a better choice of words (maybe bitch ass pansy who occasionally fibs?).

And Oliver Perez has been banished to the bullpen. He’s now a LOOGY, which makes sense. Ollie’s pitching career is quickly turning into a loogy, a gross waste of phlegm.

There’s not a manager in baseball who doesn’t know that Jerry Manuel is in a precarious position. Except, of course, for Jerry Manuel, who keeps batting his second basemen second (and making them bunt every time Reyes gets a leadoff hit or walk). We had to have that in-game conversation Saturday night with Jerry before he gets fired.

Whoa boy! Remember Kevin Millar? He’s announcing other Fox baseball games with Chris Rose. Chris Rose better “Cowboy up.” For those who don’t remember, that was the Red Sox slogan when they broke their curse in 2004 (right before every douchebag bandwagon fan jumped on Red Sox Nation).

Man, do I hate seeing pitchers hit. It’s a travesty right up there with impoverished children. Yankees pitcher Phil Hughes had to bat against the Mets. Last time Hughes had an at-bat was 7 years ago as a senior in high school. But I bet he’s a pretty good hitter; he batted .400 in high school.

Catcher Rod Barajas has been quite a find for the Mets. He leads the team in home runs. But he’s finding it tough living in the Big Apple. Rod and his wife have six children. But New York City doesn’t rent big vans. It’s a real problem. Right up there with third world poverty.

David Wright came through for the Mets last night with a couple of clutch hits after last night’s horrible game. The game of baseball, like a lot of sports, can leave you in the depths of despair and elevate you the next night. Just like Dante going down into the Inferno and climbing the hill of Purgatory up to Paradise. (If I remember correctly, Virgil, Dante’s guide on the journey, is an ancestor of Derek Jeter)

And the struggling Jason Bay had four hits on the night, too. Best night he’s had as a Met. In fact, it’s the best night any Met has had since Keith Hernandez had four hits on crack.

But no one epitomizes the Mets good fortunes Saturday night like Ike Davis. Wow! What a catch made by Ike Davis last night! Too bad he had to rob DJ♥ because that catch was practically Jeteresque.

Unfortunately the Yankees couldn’t pull out a win. Even with Jeter’s savvy base running, the normally clutch hitting Yankees left 13 men on base Saturday night and lost to the Mets 5-3.